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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Life Is Still Interrupted

Read the beginning of the story: 1 2 3 4

It is now the end of August and I'm going stir crazy counting the days until the boot can come off and life can return to "normal."  I take my shoe along to the appointment just waiting for the freedom to get rid of the boot.

Disappointment strikes.  While my leg is healing, the bone does not yet appear strong enough to bear weight.  So, no shoe for me.  I will be in my boot at least until my next appointment on October 1.  I am devastated.  I am so ready to have this off and be able to live life.  No water aerobics at all for me this summer.  There is good news.  I no longer have to keep the foot plate on and can have my boot off when my foot is still.  No more sleeping with that retched boot on.  I have soldiered through about as long as I can.  I could stay positive and hopeful because I saw the end was near.  Now, I don't know what to do.  Not only do I have to continue to wear the boot, I have to wear it on family vacation.  :(

Life cannot return to "normal" yet, but it can be closer since I don't have the footplate on and don't have to worry about bones shifting anymore.  I just can't put weight on it.  This doesn't really encourage me and my discouragement leads to falling back into some bad eating habits.  I can't exercise so what's the point.  Might as well go completely unhealthy.  Wait--in hindsight I know that is wrong, but at the moment it just seemed to make sense.  If I have to sit around all day, I might as well be eating "bon bons."  I don't even know what those are. (If you know, send me a pic)  My vice is Dr. Pepper.

You would think I would put this time "being still" to good use.  I have been learning how to "be still" or so I thought.  What I was really doing was biding my time until the end of August when I could stop "being still."  When that didn't happen as planned, depression hit hard.  I felt so useless and dependent and I have worked so hard to be useful and independent.  October 1 approaches and I don't take my shoe with me so I don't jinx myself.  YEAH!!!  No more boot!!!  Completely healed leg!!
Maybe it will be easier to "be still" when I am not forced to.


Have you ever been biding your time and then crushed when things didn't happen as planned?
What  have you learned during times of forced stillness?
Have you ever had times of forced stillness that lasted 3 1/2 months?
Have you found your maximum time for being a good patient?

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Thanksgiving for today:
360.  Finishing one chapter of life
361.   Learning to take responsibility to move forward not excuses looking back
362.  Forgiveness
363.  Struggling to understand the Bible with friends
364.  Always learning
365.  Date night
366.  Smell of steak cooking
367.  Candy Cane Chill

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