I read Have a New Kid By Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman twice. The first time I was away from my kids so although it was great, I couldn't implement the ideas. Then, after I came home I read it again. What I learned both times is that it's not really about changing your kids. It's really about changing yourself as a parent.
It's been awhile since I read it, so I'm not going to remember details. What I do remember is B doesn't happen until A is done. Now, that's no fun for anyone. Especially when you know it is something they would really like to do and that would even be good for them. Why is it at those moments, we think it will help get things done by nagging and reminding and sometimes even raising our voices? Does this ever really work? Of course not!! It just makes everyone upset as well as not getting whatever done. Just telling them once what needs to happen and then letting them take responsibility OR B doesn't happen saves my sanity. It keeps me from outwardly getting upset and engaging in conflict. It does not keep them from getting upset when B doesn't happen, but it does seem to make A happen faster the next time.
It's a lot about letting the child experience natural consequences, especially if something is really only a molehill.
That leaves you the opportunity to focus your energy on the things that are truly MOUNTAINS in your life.
Before working on behavior, make sure you have a great connection. And, practice the ABCs: "show unconditional acceptance, emphasize Belonging in your family, and spur your child on to Competence?"
I try to keep the Top 10 Countdown where I can refer to it frequently and I can always reread the book whenever I find myself needing a refresher. It is on my Kindle so it is usually with me. The biggest thing to remember is that it is really about changing myself and my reactions. Which is good, because the only person I can change is ME. :)
Here is the Top Ten Countdown to Having a New Kid By Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman
10. Be 100 percent consistent in your behavior.
9. Always follow through on what you say you will do.
8. Respond, don't react.
7. Count to 10 and ask yourself, "What would my old self do in this situation? What should the new me do?"
6. Never threaten your kids.
5. Never get angry. (When you do get angry, apologize quickly).
4. Don't give any warnings. (If you warn your child, you're saying, 'You're so stupid, I have to tell you twice.")
3. Ask yourself "Whose problem is this?" (Don't own what isn't yours.)
2. Don't think the misbehavior will go away.
1. Keep a happy face on, even when you want to , , , do something else.
Bottom line, Read This Book and try it out for yourself. Then, let me know how it works for you.
What parenting techniques do you use?
Do you find when you read about parenting that it's more about changing your child or changing your own reactions and behavior?
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Thanksgiving for today:
84. Recognition of how hard it is to be a Mom
85. Sleeping In ('til 7:00am :) )
86. Celebration Hymnal
87. Large number of kids in church
88. Making a joyful noise
89. Church service full of thanksgiving and praise
90. Children being comfortable enough to share mistakes
91. The right people in the right places at the right time
92. Eric having expertise in the needed areas