First, I'd like to apologize to anyone only finding out about this latest adventure in my life through this blog post. I realize it's much nicer to get personal communication face to face or voice to voice. So, I'm sorry if this is how you are getting this news, but face to face is not possible with all of you and even voice to voice would be difficult. It's much easier to type this once than repeat myself hundreds of times and crying doesn't effect the readability of type as much as it effects my voice when trying to communicate the same thoughts.
This has been a whirlwind couple of weeks. As most of you know, I turned the big 4-0 this year and that means I was now eligible for my first ever mammogram. I know that's a right of passage you're all just waiting for. :) So, like a good girl, taking care of my overall health, I had my yearly physical exam, blood work, and scheduled my first ever mammogram. (I've even had my annual dental appointment and scheduled my eye exam). I take care of my health no matter what shape I'm in. Fortunately, my blood work and other tests all came back great, so no new health concerns. Then, I got the letter in the mail from my mammogram results. I remember telling my family, "It must be fine because they just mailed a letter. If it wasn't they would have called in person." Then, I opened the letter and discovered I was wrong. I had abnormal test results and needed to call to schedule further testing. Panic sets in!!!
So, like the good patient that I am, I schedule testing immediately. :) I had an ultrasound scheduled a couple of days later that would put all this to rest and then I could go on with my life. Right? WRONG! The ultrasound showed a mass that led to the need for further testing--this time a meeting with a specialist and a biopsy. Now who out there isn't just a little bit terrified of the word biopsy and the word that leads to--CANCER. If you're out there saying you wouldn't be, I dare you to face this head on in your life and then tell me you weren't.
The rest of the week was a whirlwind of phone calls, appointments, and an early morning outpatient surgical procedure called a biopsy. I'm so thankful people were praying for me and God was with me that morning (as always). I didn't freak out or cry during the procedure even though I was watching on the ultrasound screen. I was told there would be some stinging and burning when they injected the local anesthetic. I didn't feel any pain. Not during the needle prick, not during the injection of the medicine, not during the procedure. There was a little discomfort later in the day, but nothing ice packs and Tylenol couldn't handle. Now we wait until the results come back.
I realize I was told that medical professionals treat suspicious mammograms seriously and not to
freak out if I was called back for testing. Let me tell you, that is easier said than done. I've had a lot of time to start considering the "what ifs." That is not a good thing. Waiting is the hardest part. I know that God will be with me and help me through whatever it is I have to face in this next adventure. But, I just want to know what that is. I want to begin dealing with "what is" and not spend time losing sleep over "what if."
Ever since the accident, my view of life on earth has changed a bit. I always thought I might not spend a lot of time, energy, and money fighting a battle with cancer or another terminal illness. I thought I might just focus on enjoying whatever time I have left to the fullest and not bother with hospitals and medical procedures. But, that was before faced with the reality of a potentially life-threatening disease. It didn't take me long to realize I would fight this with whatever resources I have available. I choose LIFE and will do whatever necessary to fight on the side of life.
So, we wait and try not to think about it too much. Whatever will be will be. And, my family and friends will love me through whatever this next adventure holds. And, regardless of the results, I CHOOSE LIFE!!!
The results are in and they did find cancer cells. So, now I begin dealing with "what is." I am starting a whole new blog to give me a place to vent and express my feelings all through this journey. So, if you want to follow along with me you can join me at angel-choosinglife.blogspot.com. Send comments and let's start a conversation through this new adventure.